I am a Socialist, and so are you!

Yes, that's right, the Western world has been steamrollered by socialism and communism.

(Image: 'Communist' Russian doll, Prague Museum of Communism)

Think you are a free-market worshipper, who wouldn't touch the Red Dawn side of the spectrum with a barge pole? Maybe you'll be in for a surprise as I expose Western society's loony left ways.

Marriage Communism!

Think about it. A long time ago, polygamy was the norm, and if one guy had ten wives, another would probably have none, maybe because he was a slave. Oh well - that's the Marriage free market principles coming back to bite you. But wait...revolutionaries in that communist organisation, the Christian Church, decided you could only marry once. Share the partners around, one each, they said. And we did; thus began the age of Marriage Communism.

Voting Communism!

One vote each? I say, let the free market decide! You can earn votes in the free market by working hard, and freely trade in votes without protectionist government regulations. After all, we don't want a system where there is no incentive to work harder; that's what capitalism is all about. Vote creation, not vote sharing...

Food Socialism!

When there is a famine in the Third World, we socialist Western societies always make the same mistake - bailing out unsuccessful people with food. It was their irresponsibility that caused this in the first place, by having more children than the land can support and by living in poor climates; now we have to give some of our hard-earned food to support them? I say no to the food bailouts, they reward bad decision making.

Military Socialism!

Time and time again it has been proved that the free market runs businesses the best. However, Western governments still drag their feet on privatising the oldest government-owned industry, the Armed Forces. It has been proven that Halliburton and Blackwater are more efficient than the socialist armies of today. I say, give the free market a chance...

This indisputably proves that the West couldn't get Redder if it were under a hammer and sickle. We spent decades fighting them, but it turns out we were Commies all along!