I am going to scare you

(Don't worry, what follows is a parody. I haven't been subject to listening to cassette recordings of An Inconvenient Truth during my sleep and been indoctrinated as a CO2 anarcho-primitivist.)

NEWSFLASH: The world is ending! The ice caps are disappearing, the polar bears can't swim, the CO2 emissions are causing bigger hurricanes, droughts, famines, rains, snows, extreme heat, extreme cold, floods, and they're poisoning the sea.

Sufficiently frightened?

(Image: The uploader of this image said it was from a Wii Online Poll. The fear-mongering is working!)

Good. Now, what can we do about it? Well, 'international cooperation' would be useful. That means we all obey a single global authority called the World Bank or some such. We need to disincentivise fossil fuel usage, so let's tax carbon emissions. We could call it a 'carbon tax' and it would be payable to this global authority.

Also, those pesky Third World nations are trying to develop, which would mean they use more fossil fuels, so let's cause instability over there to make sure they don't contribute to global warming and kill each other instead.

In fact, every human being is contributing to global warming, so we need to reduce the population. Forced abortions in the Third World would be useful, and even though this would not work in the West, we can encourage abortion and euthanasia.

Also, since every child is a carbon-spewing monster, we could recommend a legal cap on births. We could call it a 'two-child policy', or perhaps even a 'one-child policy' if we are really serious about dealing with global warming, and people who have more than their fair share of pollution-producing life should be treated harshly for their selfishness.

(Image: One-Child policy in China has been in force for thirty years, including forced abortions and side-effects such as babies being abandoned.)

Why not go one further? Instead of just reducing births, let's consider the great opportunities to combat global warming caused by current generations too. We could prevent long lifetimes by spraying the air with chemtrails containing carcinogen heavy metals such as barium. We could fluoridate the water supply, put mercury in vaccines, use aspartame sweeteners, and buy off scientists to conduct reassuring studies telling everyone these chemicals are not dangerous or even that they are benefitial.

(Image: We could convince everyone that chemtrails are fictional and all trails seen are contrails. Maybe this one could be explained? You know, without acknowledging the existence of chemtrails?)

And...whoops, it seems I have endorsed the entire Eugenics/Trans-Humanist agenda of population reduction...who could have known it was as easy as starting a fake environmental controversy...

"Death solves all problems - no man, no problem." - Joseph Stalin

"It also gives us a very special, secret pleasure to see how unaware the people around us are of what is really happening to them." - Adolf Hitler

"Passivity is fatal to us. Our goal is to make the enemy passive." - Mao Tse-Tung